I don’t know if I just always blocked it out, or if no one actually ever told me. Saturday night we were sitting outside with friends and my birth story came up (it was pretty crazy, so it usually does). Mike was telling the story (I was under and in surgery, so I don’t know all the details) and he said, “…so, they went in to start her appendectomy and blood squirted everywhere! They had to get the baby out RIGHT away because Chelsey was flat-lining… She was in surgery so long because they were trying to save her.” Ok, for whatever reason I cannot remember ever hearing the word “flat-lining“.
This totally freaked me out. I mean, I already knew: – my uterus had torn – I lost 3 liters of blood – I was told over and OVER again how lucky I was – I had 3 blood transfusions – my baby was called the “miracle baby” – I probably met all of the hospitals surgeons because they had never seen this happen and wanted to meet me – and I had MULTIPLE texts on my phone from friends and family that said, “I love you.” (I still have these in my phone). – These things I knew.
BUT, for WHATEVER reason I don’t ever remember hearing “flat-lining”. I always say, “I almost didn’t make it through my baby’s birth.” I just don’t remember the flat-lining part. Wow, those two little words are making a lot of noise in my mind. Even though I say I almost didn’t make it, I guess I never really believed I would have died. This just really freaks me out and has brought back a lot of those freaked out emotions. They were trying to save me. And, they did. I always downplay the birth story because I think I’m trying to convince myself it was no big deal.
On another note: I just finished my pregnancy page. I sequenced all my belly photos. It was fun to see it finished!
Laureli Lynn. Born December 18th, 2009. 1 PM.
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