Almost daily I think about having another kiddo. I’d love to just say, “Yeah, let’s do this and create another life.” But, I can’t. I wish there was no risk for me carrying a baby. I wish the only decision we have to make is when to start trying. Unfortunately, that’s not the situation we’re in.

Every time I start doing the research and getting all the information for gestational surrogacy, I get overwhelmed by the cost/time/emotional stuff of it all. My husband and I have been wanting to start our journey to surrogacy for a while, but we recently learned our insurance will not cover this. We will have to cover 100% of the costs. It’s just another bump in the ‘ol road.

I know for a fact we will have another child. Whether it’s by surrogacy, or adoption, we will have a brother or sister for our kiddo. Both are a ton of money. Goodness. Sooooooo, that brings me to my Go Fund Me. It’s a site dedicated to raising money for people/situations/whatever. I set up a page to begin raising money for surrogacy. In addition to the fundraising page, I hope to set up a silent auction and maybe a raffle? All in the near future.

In case you don’t know why I can’t carry another kiddo, here’s a quick catch up…

The backstory:

In December 2009 I was 36 weeks pregnant and ended up in the ER with contractions coming every minute with a lot of pain. After many tests the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong. The baby was fine, and I obviously was not. It was decided that my appendix may have burst. When I was put under and the surgeon started to work, blood poured out of my abdomen. My simple appendectomy turned into cesarean/life saving surgery. I flatlined four times and lost most of my blood. Somehow my daughter was perfectly fine and only needed a resuscitation from me being put under.

It turns out my uterus had ruptured. I have a bicornuate uterus (this means it’s heart shaped) and it tore at the seam. Just a tear the size of a dime, yet my little baby was still getting blood.

A uterine rupture can occur if the pregnant woman had previous surgery on her uterus. Before pregnancy I had NEVER had surgery of any kind, especially not on my uterus. I’ve been told there may have been a weak spot and the combo of my growing baby and movement caused the tear. According to my doctors, they could not find any record of a uterine rupture without past surgery happening, so it’s pretty much a mystery.

I have no guarantee that another pregnancy won’t cause another tear. The doctors just don’t know. What I DO know is I have my daughter, family and myself to live for. The risk is not worth it.

The entire surrogate process is so expensive, and that’s why I set this up. Side note: I definitely don’t expect this Go Fund Me to cover everything, I just hope it helps. We’re also saving money, applying for grants, and doing what we can (without going into extreme debt).

Thanks so much!

- Chelsey and Mike

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If you have a Wednesday post, please feel free to link it up below. And, feel free to link up to these blogs too… Parenting by Dummies, Project Alicia, Jenni from the Blog, In The Moment With, and Live and Love Outloud.

My sweet little girl was born almost 4 weeks early. It was a crazy emergency where both of us could have lost our lives. In fact, multiple doctors told me that if the tear in my uterus was just slightly this, or that way: my kiddo wouldn’t have received any blood/oxygen from me. Aka: this would not be a happy ending. My kiddo was amazing and completely ready for the world at the time of my emergency, but still spent a half day in care of some WONDERFUL nurses at the hospital (all while I remained in surgery).

I mean… even though I chose to do a natural and drug free water birth, my life was saved from modern medicine. Thank goodness.

This is my third year walking for the babies. This is so important for me to raise money for. How many little lives have been saved from new technology and research? I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. Why? Cause we are saving the lives of a baby that someone chose to bring into this world. Even though my kiddo was healthy enough to come into this world early, some babies are not. I’m going to walk for all those sweet kiddos that need help. I’m going to walk for my kiddo. I’m walking for ME.

I flatlined. Multiple times. Modern technology saved me. Saved my life. Modern technology saves the lives of kid’s born too early. I support that. I’m passionate about this. That’s why I will march for babies in May, and if you want to (and have the means) you can donate to my walk. Every bit counts. If donations aren’t in your budget, you can also look into walking FOR FREE in your town. You can check out where to walk in your area.

SO, if you can (and want to) you can click below to donate. Thank you so much!

- Chelsey

P.S. if you’d like to ready my original birth story (written 3 years ago), you can click here.

Sometimes I need a break. I’m constantly struggling with the balance of home and work. How much time can I and should I put into my business? Can I run my own business without feeling like I’m ignoring my kiddo?

90% of the time this balance/struggle/battle I have is all because I feel guilty. Guilty that I’m ignoring my kiddo, especially in her early years. While I know that is NOT true, I still have this guilt.

I’ve figured out, in these past 3 years, that I am not mentally built to be a completely stay at home mama. I need (and, OMG, love) my alone time. I like to sit and just hear my own thoughts. Feed myself and not make a separate meal for another person. Reply to an email in one sitting. I love making art with my daughter, but oH MAN do I love finishing a craft project without interruption.

All of these things I know I feel and believe make me feel guilty. Deep down I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I think it’s a natural thing to feel, as a mom. You want to do evERything and anything you can to for these humans you’ve made. Keep them alive and safe. Hear, ” I love you!” And get so many cuddles and kisses! BUT, I can’t forget me. It’s something I remind myself about every few months. “Chelsey, don’t forget about YOU. Your kiddo can’t be happy if you’re stressed and not taking care of yourself.”

This mama has needs to be creative (alone) and explore my talents as an adult. Often I forget to be HAPPY to be me. It’s so freaking easy to get into a routine and forget about good ‘ol me. My old hobbies are pushed to the sidelines while I focus on keeping my daughter happy. When she’s happy, I am happy: but I still need to do things for ME. I am here to grow as me and teach my beautiful girl to be the best person she can and to NOT forget to also focus on her happiness (not just of those around you).

It’s a weird and hard world being a mama. You want to give it all to this kid you birthed, but you still need YOU. These posts always help to remind me: you’re a person. You take care of you, too.

- Chelsey

It’s that time of year! The annual blog party by, 5 minutes for Mom. I like to participate in this party because I have met a TON of lovely blogger’s through this fun “party”. SOOooooo, I want to introduce myself to all of you lovely new readers!

My name is Chelsey and I’ve been blogging since 2008, but my Paper Mama blog has been going for 3 years now. I started blogging so I could find other mom’s going through new motherhood, too. Pretty much: I was lonely. Somehow… this turned into a business. I love it. I’m a contributor to the Better Homes and Gardens Style Spotters blog and have a few other blogging contributor gigs. Blogging is my kind of job.

I’ve been married for ALMOST 5 years, but with my husband for over 10. I have a 3 year old daughter. She’s named after Rory on the Gilmore Girls (her name is Laureli and we call her Ruari). I have 2 cats and one dog (a little Chihuahua). We just bought 3 baby chicks, and we are looking forward to gathering chicken eggs when they are older!

My adorable kid:

Here’s our crazy little pup… Mr. Angus. He’s suuuuper lazy. It’s a good thing he’s adorable. Ha! He loves pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Oh, wait. No he doesn’t.

This is my kitty Princess. Or, Pretty Girl. I found her in a mall parking lot years ago when I lived in Seattle. She was just a hungry little kitten meowing in a bush. No way I could leave her. She’s a complete weirdo and I love her.

Meet Pistachio. Lord Pistachio is his full name (my husband named him). He’s a very sweet boy… but, loves to pick on  poor Princess and Angus. Maybe because he’s 17 pounds he thinks he can push everyone around? Hee. He mostly loves people.

Last, but not least, our newest family members: Booksat, Boca, and Mrs. Pickles.

Look… adorable chicks!

Thanks for stopping by!

{You can find me: Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram}

{linking up with the Ultimate Blogger Party}