Don’t like it? Move on.
I’ve said it before (and, I’m pretty sure I will say it again), if you don’t like what you see or hear: move on.
The other day I was working on my computer, at Starbucks, while my friend entertained my girl for the day. I sat there for hours… Bought some food… had a ton of caffeine. Customers were coming and going. A couple hours into my Starbucks visit, these two ladies came in. Took a seat one table away from mine. I would never have noticed them, but some how their conversation wandered its way into my brain. I tried to keep working. But, now I was having a hard time focusing. I couldn’t stop listening to the gossip and negative conversations they were sharing. They spent 40 minutes putting down a beloved house guest, followed by their hate towards many family members, and even a couple of local shops they despised. There was not ONE single positive thing these ladies had to say. I kid you not. For over an hour. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I moved. I changed seats. I was now out of ear shot from them. I no longer had to listen to their gossipy mean chat. I made the choice: move my butt, so I no longer have to listen to these ladies.
I did not enjoy hearing them. I moved on. I moved quite a few tables away. I’m happy I did, because these ladies sat there for another hour: I did not hear that last hour… Thank goodness.
My point to that whole story, if you don’t like what you see or hear: get out of there. I’ve had my fair share of negative comments and feedback (whatever, brush it off), but I still can’t understand why anyone would continue to come back and read something they hate. Why read a blog, follow their twitter, Facebook, and instagram if you despise them? Or, why would you want to go to a blog that is, in your opinion, never interesting. Is it just so you can join in the gossip? Calling people ugly and stupid is fun? I don’t know.
I chose to start a blog when Ruari was a few months old. I wanted to meet other mama’s with newborns. AND, I did. PLUS, I found this amazing community of bloggers. It’s been awesome. BUT, when you blog you’re opening a door to a part of your life for the world to learn and read about, which is actually a little scary. This is my blog. I am my boss. How I am on my blog, and in real life… is me. I can be shy, I can be nice, I can have a bad day. I am never intentionally mean. Never. But, here’s a fact: When you look up my phone number, call me with a blocked number, and curse me out on a message, (including saying stuff about my daughter)… you are officially a complete and utter creepster. Yup. You now live in creepville.
I’ve been trying my best to move forward and continue to work on myself and PTSD, then I read some mean words, comments, and get a weird ass phone call… And, I feel myself taking a step backward in this whole process. So, I choose to ignore it. As much as I want to look over and watch the train wreck of words, I ignore. I will not support it. There will always be mean spirited people out there with weird, random, unrealistic things to say about you. But, oh well. I choose to look away and ignore the hurtful things people will say about me. I choose to accept the fact that: maybe not everyone I meet will like me (believe me, that’s the hardest part. I don’t like to not be liked… Or, even hated). But,whatever. I know me. I have readers that truly enjoy me, and I enjoy them (I’ve made some amazing connections through this blog, and can’t wait to make more). I can’t win them all over (even when I want to). But, do I really want to? I don’t like negative/toxic friendships… and, I don’t put up with them. SO, I think I’m glad I can’t win them all over.
I make some money on my blog. Yes! I do. I do some sponsored posts. Yup, I do. Yes, I allow some companies to put their logos on some posts… I think it’s awesome I can get paid for something I would have written about already. I run a for profit blog. I don’t hide that fact. Heck yeah! I get to stay home with my daughter. Holy crap! We get to play my little ponies and learn how to garden. Yes! I am happy. Yes, I have bad days, but luckily: they’re will be a lot less when I ignore all that negativity. I can and will focus on the positive. <3
I have the power to hit delete on those mean comments, and I make the choice to ignore all the negativity.
The true ugly: mean.
 |
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Rock on, mama. I never understood people who took the time out of their lives to purposefully spew negativity. It baffles me. Keep on keepin' on & never let the crazy haters get you down!
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[...] past anything. That’s why I really appreciated The Paper Mama‘s post called, “Don’t like it, leave.” I used to have a boss that said don’t complain about something unless you have an [...]
Ah… People…
('Don't waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.' (Paulo Coelho))
p.s.: I love your blog, too.
can't believe someone called you!! that is so creepy!
i have always loved your blog…even back when you were the paper lady. <3
OH man… that was so long ago! <3
ROCK SOLID!!!
Wow, that is beyond pathetic that someone would actually call you because they don't like your blog. I'm not a fan of saying "gurl, they just jealous!" whenever someone has an issue with someone. But honestly, nothing provokes rage like jealousy does. I can't help but think that's at play there, and in that case, pity is probably a pretty appropriate response.
I've (so far) only gotten one negative comment (and it was a pretty nasty one about my newborn). After I deleted it, the same person tried to comment the same thing a few minutes later. So… at that point I tended to see the person as so pathetic that it was hard to actually get upset about the comment. Sometimes, blogging brings out some pretty vile jealousy. But mostly, it's amazing, and I'm glad you keep on doing it
Wow. Attacking a newborn…. awesome. Forget them!
Unfortunately there are people out there who are jealous and can't deal with other people being successful. If you have haters than you are doing something right!
Word.
I rarely post comments, but I feel the need to today by simply saying – I enjoy you!
Chelsey, you rock girlfriend! Keep doin what ya doin! I for one love ya for it and love your posts!
I hate to admit it, but I usually read all your blog posts via e-mail and rarely make my way over to the actual blog to comment. This time, I just had to say something. I LOVE this post and think you're fantastic. It's so hard to put everything out there for a blog. I know because I have one, too. I get nasty comments every once and a while and wonder the same thing. If I don't like something, I just don't bother with reading it and definitely don't take the time to comment (although that's not why I haven't been commenting lately, as I really enjoy your posts). Why do these negative people go out of there way to do these things? They obviously aren't happy and want to bring other people down. I'd say you should ignore them, but that phone call worries me. Hopefully, it won't happen again.
Trying to comment on all the blogs you read… For reals. I barely ever comment.
I have just started to read your blog now for a month I think, you are on my list of blogs I always go to everyday. I cannot believe
someone tracked down your phone number and actually left a message for you. I hope you kept that message and called
the cops and told them wth because WTH? People who do that ARE losers. They ARE cowards. Who does that? So sad.
When someone gets your address and/or your phone number, you can't just delete it. You should alert the authorities to
that persons actions because something can be done. People are so weird. And jealous. And you don't have to explain
to anyone that you make money from your blog or why you have your blog. Clearly that person doesn't have the talent to
create a blog worth reading.
Anyhoo, keep doing what you're doing and keep it moving
Thank you! I'm all private now, so I hope that was the last of it. I think it was just one crazy person.
Yes, keep your information private! There are just weird people on the planet who have way too much time on
their hands. Don't let them ruffle your feathers girl. Just do you and continue to be who you are. I think you have
a beautiful family!
Thanks for sharing
This is why you are a daily read for me. Thank you for the wonderful things you share and the way you share them. My house is cuter, my hair looks better, and I appreciate the little things more with your help. I appreciate you. Thank you!
Hee hee! That made me smile. Thank you.
Mean people suck! I'm sorry you've been targeted by one and I'm glad you're speaking out about it. Bullying/flaming/whatevs you wanna call it is hurtful, petty and totally unnecessary.
I also have been meaning to comment about your PTSD. Don't let anyone tell you it's not real, birth trauma has affected many women in a similar way. I volunteer at BandBackTogether.com and we have a resource page about birth trauma as well as posts from survivors. I wish you luck, love and healing. http://www.bandbacktogether.com/birth-trauma-reso…
That's a great website. Thank you for sharing!
How scary! I worry EVERY DAY that on the other side of the Internet is some super creepy, dirty, disgusting, mean person reading about my life. It gives me crazy anxiety… but I try to remember a lot of the things you wrote about above… and move on.
Your blog is genuine… you are doing great things… you have a lot to be proud of.
That's definitely why I try to make sure all my photos are resized… and watermarked. There are many creeps out there.
I am still amazed at all of the negativity that can be lurking in the blog world. Although I have not experienced it firsthand, I have seen it on other people's blogs and it just makes me so sad.
It is sad.
Aw man! I just typed out this huge, long, super-woman- mama empowering post and somehow screwed up in leaving it as a comment! I definitely just wanted to say you are a hard working blogger. I have used your blog SO.MANY.TIMES. for a tutorial or "how-to." I know you pour yourself into this, and know that we love it. And for the few that don't… you're exactly right… MOVE ON! Don't let their negativity take an ounce of the respect you have and deserve. xoxo
I bet it was awesome! <3
Wow. I cannot believe that there is that level of enthusiastic hatred (or harassment–you pick) for you. And to involve Ruari? I know this could be a huge overstep, but legal intervention does not seem like an inappropriate response.
Thank you for sharing all that you have, and for being an honest person. I know that there are some pictures posted that are debatably less flattering, you share the frustrating battles you have with raising a little one, etc. Your story seems like a very true one. I hope that you continue to reap what you desire out of “the paper mama” as we your readers have enjoyed the byproduct.
Oh man. I don't think it's the level of legal action. But, anything more I will record. <3
Bravo! Well put! I've been blogging on and off, and secretly really want to pursue it. I put a book down the other day, and
it hit me. I'm ready to write. Excited to write. I've pretty much come to a stand still with my art (dancer, injured, then married),
and who's to say I can't write. I've been nervous about what might be said, but whatever. Thank you this was an encouraging note
to start on this afternoon!
I'm glad! I think I'm a terrible writer, but I love blogging.
Totally with you.
Well said! I totally love your blog and your honesty and your willingness to share the good and bad days. It makes your blog so much more personal and REAL. So sorry that there are creepers out there that have nothing better to do than to try and bring others down. Way to stand up for yourself and not let them suceed!
More power to you!
Love this post you are freakin awesome. I still cannot get over how much people spend all this time and effort in hating or talking about someone. You kind of feel bad for them because you obviously take so much space in their heads and they can't get over you which is weird because you ask the same people why they care so much because it does take some real time and emotion to hate someone so much for no reason.
It takes so much energy to hate someone. It's sad.
Well said! Good for you!!!
I agree with a lot of the sentiments above. You wrote that perfect, yes move on if you don't like. I too find it creepy that someone called you. I'm glad you are being the bigger person. So many people love reading what you write or present to us, keep up the great work!
Good for you! that's the attitude that I'm trying to have myself. Negativity is such a happiness suck and I let myself get involved in it way too much. Thank you for posting this Chelsey! you are awesome!
Thank you! It really is so hard to ignore.
Grrrrrrr. I just don't get some people. I know as bloggers we open ourselves to all kind of things, but how can people be so ugly to another person? In that moment, they have a choice to "click" and go on about their merry (or not so merry) business, but they choose to bring the negativity to YOUR space. And it IS your space. They have no say in what you do in it.
That's right!
Keep doing what you're doing girl! With the creepsters I think it totally comes down to jealousy and not knowing how to handle it. Some people are just plain MEAN and don't know how to be happy for others. I LOVE your blog. You have way more lovers hanging around these parts than haters.
Thank you sweet lady!
I seriously can't wrap my head around the negative commenting and rudeness and all of that. I just… don't get it. And the fact that someone called you? What. The. Hell. That is crazytown. I love your blog and love that you have such a great outlook towards that stuff. And what a good thing to remember with negativity: Move on. Love it.
The call was definitely too far. I don't get it either. <3
I love you. I think you and R are so sweet! And kind! I wish I could protect all the nice people from all the mean people! it just isn't fair!!! And I am so glad that you are able ignore them! That takes effort! You go girl!
Ugh, that phone call makes me SICK on your behalf. People are twisted, and I, too, will never understand why people are obsessed with reading sites they don't like, only to make fun/talk smack/be awful about them. Keep up your awesomeness. xoxo
Thanks sweet lady!
Oh, I am so terribly sorry you are having to deal with that. Negativity in any form can cause such damage. I'm fairly certain that no one but family and friends reads my blog, so I have not experienced the negative comments, but I can imagine they would be difficult to deal with. For the record, I love reading your blog and admire your attitude!
I'm happy you haven't had mean comments.
WORD UP!!! Say it sista!
Hee! <3
Awesome post…spot on!
Thanks!
You Go Girl!! I loved that you moved your seat in Sbux!
It was awesome, I didn't have to listen to them any longer.
I visit often but don't post much. Just wanted to say I think you are amazing. Keep doing what you do. I find it inspiring and wish I was as good at it as you are.
Ugh….screw the haters. I had a patient once tell me that you can be the juciest, most delicious peach in the world and there will still be someone out there who hates peaches. Surround yourself with positive loving people and ignore these a-holes. Something must seriously be missing in that person's life that they feel the need to stalk and harrass you. Chelsey, you are lovely and I love reading your blog. Hugs!
Ummm… someone called you? That's creepy. And totally sucks. Sorry you have to deal with the crazies.
I'm a reader, but seldom comment. I think you rock.
♥
Yeah, they were creeps. Blocked #. Mean message.
Great post… I have a hard time turning off people talking dumb stuff – it eats away at me – but you are right, it is better to just 'walk away' so to speak – good for you for posting this and a nice reminder that its ok not to care about people that hate.
It's really hard to not care about what they say, but I feel so much better walking away.
Ive been following you for some time now and I love your blog, its just so sad that there are so many negative and hateful people out there, but I'm glad you ignore that and focus on the good! the fact that there are more people out there that love your blog and think you are awesome!
-Sarah
I love the amazing blogging community. Sadly, like any community, there will always be trolls.
So right on the money. I choose to live my life drama free which means just letting go of a lot of things and being as positive as I can. Life is just too damn short to do otherwise!
I've followed along on your blog for quite awhile, but don't often comment. I just felt compelled to tell you, I think you're awesome. Unfortunately people get jealous of awesome. Success often brings out "trolls". I know it must hurt and I'm so sorry that it happened, but it probaby just means your awesomeness has reached a new level and they are overcome with jealousy. Way to go with movin' on! I wish I could delete things in real life. LOL
Sarah (The Stiles Files)
Ha! Its true. I don't think I got my first troll comment until I hit a year in blogging. <3
One of your quiet readers here… hello! :p
.
I love your blog. just sayin!
and yes, ignore the negativity.
I read from somewhere (Pinterest, most likely, hehe)-
"some people will give you one reason to frown,
show em you have 1000 reasons to smile."
ps: so jealous you get to stay home with your daughter!
I'm a mama-to-be and I'm hoping the same for me
Cheers!
I love that quote! So very true. P.S. I love your illustrations!!!
I happen to think you are awesome!!! Giving you a virtual high-five for "just saying no" to negativity!
On a side note, I am a long-time reader and I don't comment as much as I probably should. Keep doing what you do!
Goodness, I barely ever comment. I read a TON of blogs…. and maybe make 1 comment a week? Hee.
I've gotten a few really random hurtful comments on my blog, and I'd imagine as blogs gain more and more popularity there is just going to be more and more creepsters who come across it and leave even more lame comments. As much as i'd like to say "whateves" I'm human and things get to me, but remembering all good stuff that I get from blogging is what keeps me going. Great post!
The great thing: the supposrt system in blogging is SO much greater than the creepy meanies. <3
What I honestly don't understand is what people have to complain about in regards to this blog?? It's not like you post on stuff that's super controversial or crazy! I just don't get it. I actually feel bad for negative people like that. I lived with a girl who was the most negative person, constantly putting everyone down. I felt bad for her because I realized it was because she felt so negatively about herself.
You're strong, I'm so glad I met you. The blog world is good if you chose to be good. Love ya lady!
I had friends like that, I just can't handle all the anger. Brings me down. <3
someone called you!? that is just creepy and wrong and freaking weird. i am really sorry that happened. how dare they insult you or your family. line crossed. BIG TIME.
keep on keeping on! there are many more out there that love your blog and appreciate you than those few that do not … and
the haters are not even worth the gum on the bottom of my shoe!
Word.
I can't believe someone actually took the time to look up your phone number and call you. THAT is creepy. I'd be slightly (okay, probably more than slightly) freaked out about that. And how DARE someone say anything about your daughter? It's one thing to disagree with you and the things you write (but still…why stalk and be mean…) but to bring your child into it is completely uncalled for. Good for you for being the bigger person!
Yeah, it was too much. taking the time to look up my #. Creepy.
Yeah, the thing about turning 30 is that people say you no longer give a shit about what others think/say. I must say that its been, so far, the best part about turning 30 for me. F 'em!
Ha ha ha! Oh man. My insecure 20 year old self would not have done so well with the comments. I agree.
Gosh, this is so true! There are some things I believe in or support, but sometimes you find groups online that clai that they are also for these things, but really are all about being mean to others. It's especially frustrating when I see it on things like weight loss support sites – why do you need to be mean if someone doesn't know an answer or isn't doing things the way you think everyone should do? Ugh. I've removed myself from groups because I just couldn't take the negativity, and it really starts to affect your entire mood, life, and outlook. Love this post!
Good job for removing yourself from the negativity. It really can be a complete downer.
Someone called you at home? That scares me, hearing about psychos like that is enough to make me want to quit. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I didn't have my URL private. Now it is. Make sure you pay the extra $ a year for private registration.
You Go Girl! Power of the delete button!
I love the delete button!
Preach.
Well, well said. All of it.
Oh my GOSH how AWFUL. Mean comments happen to every blogger. But PHONE CALLS? That's just insane. I'm so sorry, Chelsey. Thanks for setting such a great AND CLASSY example of what it means to deal with haters. You're a great mom, woman, and blogger. So sorry that you have had to deal with this.
Well, my first draft of this post had a lot more cursing. I had to step back and edit a few times.
BOO for negative blogger people. Seriously. And I really look up to you as a blogger!
In a kind of random note, I do a weekly instagram link-up on my blog. If you have a few seconds today, I'd love for you to link up this post (or any other snapshot post).
Brooke
http://liningthecloudswithsilver.blogspot.com/201…
I might be doing one for Wednesday.
People can be assholes FLAT OUT…who knows if its jealousy …or WTH is motivating them …..just keep ignoring their ridiculous behaviour ! BTW I LOVE YOUR BLOG !
One of many things I'll never understand in this life, is just how digustingly awful human beings can treat eachother on SO MANY different levels. It's really quite depressing if I think about it too long. Humans can be so evil.
I love your blog… and this really hit home for me! I had a mean comment on my blog… I was called the C word at first my hard shell made not care about the comment but the more I thought about it the more it bothered me and it didn't make me angry it made me really sad and I started to regress back to that 13 year old girl that did everything and anything for approval…. I took a step back and stopped writing deleted the comment and just thought about my blog and writing and been thinking about it for a while… but reealding this reading your words… you say exactly what I feel and I am gonna get back on this blog wagon… Thank you, you have inspired me today!
It's so sad that someone needs to come along and be a poop.
I enjoy you, ignore them.
This is a great post. I totally love it. Thank you so much for being so open and honeat about the way you feel on this topic. It's hard to escape negativity. I don't understand why someone would follow a blog if they don't like it? Like you said. Don't like it? Move on. Well I love your blog, I'm not going anywhere
Thank you!
You're so very welcome <3
Yep.
Amen to ALL of this. It took me a long time to ignore incoming links, to not click on them & read the awful things said about me. How I'm a bitch, how I look homeless, how I'm no longer funny, how I must be a miserable human being to make money on a blog.
For a long time, I believed those comments from strangers that spend hours & days on message boards for the sole purpose of mocking bloggers. Then I had this wake-up call that was like…WAIT. I'm letting them make me feel bad? Those people who don't know me, who don't like me but for some reason can't stay away, yet they dare call me pathetic?
I think not.
It's not that I think I'm awesome or amazing or anything overly special. But I do think more of myself than strangers on the internet want me to.
Great post, Chelsey. Love this, love you. You have a great heart & a wonderful blog that I adore.
Well, I think you are awesome. And, you are a lovely person in real life. Some people just hate themselves soooo much, that they hate everyone else too.
I agree with The No Drama Mama! I stumbled across your blog and then a few of the girls you're friends with and I think you guys are the coolest! I always think how great it would be to stay at home and make money with things you make with your hands! Pretty great.
I find it pretty disturbing that someone would go to such lengths to ruin your day.
You're gorgeous, Rauri's adorable, and your blog is so sweet and positive. <3
Thank you! I absolutely love that I can stay home with my girl. I feel so lucky.
Good for you! I thought two separate things during this post:
1) I have no idea why people have to be so mean as to the point of being creepy. I am so sorry it is happening to you. Some people have nothing better to do, and there's a part of me that thinks that there is a much bigger issue under their surface.
2) Jealousy makes people do strange things. Here is my confession – I have done the angry thing internally to another blogger. It was jealousy, plain and simple. I knew this girl in real life and she writes about how awesome she is online. I admired the fact that she was out there and was making money blogging. I want to do that as well. More than money, I want to write and have people read it. When I tried to get to know her better personally in real life, I found that she wasn't as nice and helpful as she portrayed to be online. I was so consumed with wanting to try to have a blog like hers, but I found myself obsessively reading her blog all while being so incredibly judging and angry with her. I never got to the point where I said anything negative or nasty to her — but it was all just simmering below the surface. That was MY issue. Not hers. I had to hide her in every way I knew how for a while until I simmered down.
I love the fact that you are nice to everyone – which is why I follow you! I admire you and I hope that one day I get to the point where you are. Thank you for alerting me to the fact that the bigger you get, the creepier the people you attract!
Oh, I have bad days… and do get jealous. We are all human. But, taking a moment to step back and simmer down: that's great. I enjoy your blog.
When I started reading this, I was amused because I've been a witness to mean coffee convos too…but then I got sad. I was shocked to find out you've had such negativity directed at you. I'm not writing this because I think you need it, I'm writing this because I really look up to you. I've said it before, you're blog inspired me to start my own. So thank you! I love your positive attitude, keep it up!
Regards,
Kelly
<3 this makes me happy
<3
I think your blog is awesome! I am jealous actually that you have so many followers and can make money. I wish my blog did. I turn to blogs like yours for inspiration. Keep up the great work! (I secretly wish I live in Portland so we could be friends). Have a great week!
You should check out Clever Girls. They connect me to many sponsors.
Do like it. So stayin' here! ;o)
you rock it mama.
mel ;o)
needle and nest
Hee! Good.
Wow! Good for you! I just started my blog a month and a half ago, and it's weird I never even thought of the negative feedback. I can't believe someone actually called you! Well, I love your blog and I agree that you just have to cut the mean spirited people out and surround yourself with a positive network of people who share the same ideals. Looking forward to your next post
Kristin
Totally agree with surrounding yourself with positive people.
I LOVE your blog, I LOVE what you write.
As far as I can tell you are a GREAT person!!! And a WONDERFUL mom!
Haters gonna hate… I think it´s jealousy…
Keep up your great work! Me and I bet thousands of other readers have your back
)
Smooches from Germany!
Anni
P.S.: Was a "quiet" follower so far. But I had to say something positive now! Keep your head up, chica!
Thank you! And, nice to meet one of my "quiet" readers. <3
hi chelsey, i've been following your blog for a little while now and i don't think i've ever actually said hi (so, hello!)
thank you for the words you've written here. i have been reading blogs forever and ever and ever but i only just started my own last week. i put it off for so long because i was scared of what people would think and i thought maybe people wouldn't like what i had to say. i also, do NOT like not being liked! finally i said enough, this is what i want to do, i'm doing it!
so anyway thank you for the reminder. it's nice to know that you have had such a positive experience with blogging even though you've run into some creeps along the way. but that's life isn't it? we're bound to run into creeps at some point no matter what we're doing. i'm sorry you had to hear remarks about your little girl though. that is NEVER ok
xo allie
Hello! It can be scary, but I would never do anything if I always avoided scary stuff. For the most part, the blogging community is absolutely wonderful. <3
haha good point. we wouldn't be mamas if we avoided scary stuff!
True that.
I found myself trying to "like" this post. Now I want to hug you! I love this blog and you are so right. Mean people can just get over themselves. I for one, am totally jealous you get to run a for profit blog!
It sounds like a dream come true!
We can virtual hug. <3